Monday, July 9, 2012

Scott Watches WWE Raw (July 9, 2012)

  •  AJ is phenomenal on the mic-a-ra-ophone and with her crazy ass facial expressions. She's, like, just not good enough at promos to be convincing -- like it's real. "Your eyes...they send love straight into my heart. You fill me up with passion and desire. In essence, you turn me on." She stands so close to Punk - it's perfect. And then she backs down and SHE IS PROPOSING? YES SHE IS! Oh man! OH MAN! This is outstanding. Daniel Bryan runs in and makes a weak case. Bryan challenges Punk to accept the proposal after trying to convince AJ that Punk doesn't care about her. "This man sees you as a special referee. I see you as a special person." Oh God, Daniel Bryan is proposing to AJ. DUELING MARRIAGE PROPOSALS! Punk challenges the proposal. "Where's your ring, big money?" AND THEN THE ANONYMOUS GM IS BACK! PJQEPOHJQPOEJJPQEHJP Mixed tag match announced. This was the most overbooked, insane promo segment I can recall.
  • Sheamus squashes Jack Swagger and I do not care about either of them so I do not care about this.
  • Tensai and Dolph win a two minute match against Christian and Tyson Kidd. Tensai beats up Tyson Kidd after the match. Dolph uses his 40 seconds of ring time to bump all over.
  • Michael Cole knocks water onto Lawler, so the anonymous GM orders a match between them tonight. This show is going to hell.
  • Brodus Clay squashes McIntyre. What the fuck happened to this show after the first segment?
  • Santino searches for the anonymous GM. I don't care. Big Show gets tough on Jericho. 13 years of bullshit and they think just because he's tall I'm going to take him seriously. NO GO, MOTHERFUCKERS.
  • John Cena on the mic gives me diarrhea. His cadence just annoys the fuck out of me.
  • Cena/Kane vs Jericho/Show wasn't terrible or anything, but it felt pretty cheap that it went on a while, through two commercial breaks, and then the finish was a weak ass DQ after Cena showed he can totally beat up Jericho. Then the "I touch you with ladder" bit after the match sucked, too.
  • Sin Cara and Heath Slater disgraced professional wrestling over about three minutes.
  • Bob Backlund gets no reaction, uses crossface chicken wing on Slater.
  • Michael Cole loses to Lawler in a minute. Booker T says "man" five times, "dog" twice, and "baby" once. GM reverses decision. Santino continues his search for GM. Oh my God this show is terrible. lmao it's hornswogle lol lol lol lmao I'm Joey Styles Hornswoggle made me pee my PANTS
  • Mixed tag match is mostly a waste of time like everything else in the ring. Daniel Bryan basically screws Eve over and AJ gets the win. Punk turns down her proposal after the match so she slaps him and then she slaps Bryan and my God thank you that this is over

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