Sunday, July 15, 2012

Scott Watches WWE Money in the Bank 2012 (July 15, 2012)

WWE Tag Team Championship: R-Truth & Kofi Kingston (c) vs Hunico & Camacho

This was the internet pre-show match and it didn't matter as they really never do or will. This was no Yokozuna breaks the ropes being TOO FAT and Austin rolls him up at Summerslam 96. I mean, it was a better match. Kofi did some very cool things here and there and R-Truth sucked as usual and the Mexican guys weren't LAX. Champs retained.

Money in the Bank (Blue): Dolph Ziggler vs Santino Marella vs Damien Sandow vs Cody Rhodes vs Sin Cara vs Tensai vs Christian

This started pretty messy, and that drugged-up affront to rasslin Sin Cara almost killed Dolph Ziggler on some kind of superplex or the like, but when they turned it up, it REALLY turned up. Tensai had a great Diesel in the Rumble moment, power bombing Sin Cara on a ladder and flinging Ziggler like a rag doll into the announcers' chairs. Tyson Kidd had some good moments. Santino brought a little comedy. Sandow and Rhodes and Christian were mostly just in there. Even Vickie climbed halfway up the ladder at one point. Dolph was a huge star here though, bumping like an absolute fucking freak of a crazy motherfucker when he had even a few inches to kill himself. The finish was nasty, and Christian took an ugly fall that allowed Dolph to win. FUCK YEAH! It was a lot of fun once they all got it together and Sin Cara got the fuck out of the way.

The Miz returns and inserts himself into MITB, who cares

World Heavyweight Championship: Alberto Del Rio vs Sheamus (c)

Slower paced match to cool it down, and a lot of people thought it was bad. I just thought it was mediocre because Sheamus couldn't hang. Del Rio tried to make this something interesting, but Sheamus just wasn't up for it. he's not good enough to work this kind of match. Anyway, after Alberto leisurely strolled toward Sheamus for a kick to the back of the head and missed badly, which I think Sheamus was supposed to duck or reverse or something, Sheamus won with his kick. Ziggler then ran in to cash in, but Alberto objected for no particularly good reason, and the match never got started after Sheamus laid Ziggler out, too. Sheamus, also a moron, didn't have the match started and get that MITB briefcase out of his life. Buncha dummies, dog. Oh yeah babyyyyyyyy

Titus O'Neil & Darren Young vs Primo & Epico

Truly terrible match. All-time heat sink of a PPV match. AW talks the whole time, so the five commentators (Cole, Lawler, Booker, R-Truth, Kofi) can't figure out when to talk. Godawful. Puerto Ricans win. I hope the Taco Bell joke AW made on his mic was racist enough for the pussified WWE to fire him and his tag team. Titus O'Neil is beyond bad. He has no business in this company. He's like a bad Natural Born Thriller. (And no, there were no good NBTs.)

WWE Championship: Daniel Bryan vs CM Punk (c)

This was no DQ because ladies can't remember stuff good. They do some LET'S KICK EACH OTHER stuff, and then AJ takes an itsy bitsy bump from the apron to the floor so that she can be sent to the back for the bulk of the match and allow them to do what they came to do.

Since it's no DQ, a kendo stick becomes involved and Bryan wears his ass out, and then later Punk wears HIS ass out, and when AJ returns, she brings a chair in, and Bryan wears his ass out. AJ's performance seems slanted toward Bryan, but she's mostly out of the way and making faces to show she is confused/conflicted. Bryan gets put through a table and Punk retains again. The match was really great. I'd say more about it, but I don't really feel like it is all. Ryback's on and killing my will to live.

Ryback vs Hawkins & Reks

fuck off

Eve & Jim Neidhart's Daughter & Beth Phoenix vs Jimmy Snuka's Daughter & Layla & someone else


Money in the Bank Red: Kane vs Chris Jericho vs The Miz vs The Big Show vs John Cena

There was a giant ladder that Big Show luckily found under the ring, and it had a hell of a performance. John Cena won and made the worst face.

Through the Punk-Bryan match, this was a really good show, and then it wasn't, and then the main event was fine, but Cena's face really ruined it for me in the end.

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