Sunday, July 8, 2012

Scott Watches TNA Destination X (July 8, 2012)

Rubix vs Mason Andrews vs Lars Only vs Dakota Darsow

This was for a spot in the tournament against Kid Kash. What a prize. Actually Kid Kash rules last I saw him, but that was a while ago, so what do I know? Mason Andrews did a sweet dive, then Jigsaw did a sweet dive, and then it turned out that Mason Andrews is also a submission expert. I'm so burnt out on sudden submission holds. Mason Andrews also is a kick machine. This guy is my least favorite wrestler. Jigsaw did a Shane McMahon across the ring dropkick. Barry Darsow's kid didn't stand out much at all. And a Power Plant Diamond Cutter from Mason Andrews on Only wins the match. My God.

X Division Title Tournament: Kid Kash vs Mason Andrews

Kash runs in for the immediate match so of course I expect the upset here as they discuss how vile and good Kash is. Andrews with overly athletic dropkicks. I hate this fuckin guy. Kash is great here, flexing his guns and doing the camera roll middle finger bit, and you think, "Oh man, that's lame, what are you in 10th grade?" but that's the point. Not everyone is supposed to be witty and engaging in banter with motherfuckers. Some assholes are stupid and whenever someone takes a picture of them at a party, they FLIP THE BIRD, and it's annoying as fuck, and the reaction it brings is genuine dislike when you look at them, because they're such stupid assholes. Kash moonsaults into knees and he's making this a pretty good match, and I can say that Andrews isn't bad when he's not on offense. CHOP! He's no Cash Flo with chops, but Kash is decent. Jumping back elbow and another overly athletic dropkick. Then a flying dropkick, and then a running knee. I really hate watching this guy on offense. I mean really hate it. I will perhaps get used to him or he will calm down, but right now I just ain't diggin it. Andrews gets the flash pin to the surprise of nobody.

Christy Hemme is backstage with Samoa Joe, and he picks Austin Aries. "Good choice." What? "You are an a means," says Joe of Kurt Angle. Right on.

X Division Title Tournament: Douglas Williams vs Kenny King

Kenny King never did much for me in ROH, but hey, here he is. Doug Williams has never done a lot for me anywhere, but he's fine and I haven't seen him in a while. King has nice armdrags and I appreciate the slower pace they're going with here since I've seen enough dropkicks for a little while. Williams with a nice lariat -- a little high and not technically pretty, but looks nasty and purposeful and shit. Williams as he's aged has taken a style that pleases me, but King still isn't doing much for me. He's kind of awkward in a way that I can't quite put my finger on. Enzuigiris and spin kicks and more damn kicks. King atones for his overkicking sins by bumping to the floor from the top rope, and then Williams delivers a ... flying knee to the floor. King wins on some move I missed because I was refusing to follow Zach Gowen on Twitter. On replay I see it's another Power Plant finisher.

Chris Daniels cuts a promo with a martini glass of Mountain Dew

X Division Title Tournament: Sonjay Dutt vs Rashad Cameron

Sonjay Dutt and Sabian. Consider me unenthused. Dutt with his usual highspot offense and it's fine but I could use a Bubba Ray Dudley match right about now. Cameron with an armbar. Earl Hebner with a red face. OHH FUCK on the finish though, Dutt's flying backflip double stomp to the guts. Bruuuutal.

Jesse Sorensen medical update and then he comes to the ring for a promo. I wish he'd gone heel and shit on everyone, but it's 2012 and we have to pretend we're all friends and that inspiration is the most important thing. Sorensen at least does promise to get back at the guy who broke his neck, and then Zema Ion comes out for his match and makes fun of him. It's something anyway.

X Division Title Tournament: Zema Ion vs Flip Cassanova

this was pretty much nothing and Zema Ion won clean and pretty easy. I was glad it wasn't very long since I've already become overwhelmed by X Division matches. This is why I don't like one-night tournaments that are all in a certain style. Neither of these guys stood out to me but I bet when Zema Ion does his hair normal he gets a ton of ass from 19 year old coeds who drink Vegas Bombs when they're on special.

Bound For Glory Series: Kurt Angle vs Samoa Joe

This was good, as you would expect. No surprises with any of it, really. Angle didn't seem particularly "into" this one but he's so good he can cruise and still have a pretty good match. Turns into a WrestleMania match with submissions that don't work, finishers not getting pins, and on and on it goes. Second choke gets the win for Joe and he gets his ten points. Angle didn't tap out, he was choked unconscious, because he's a hero. Then he pretty quickly wakes up to argue with Hebner.

Last Man Standing Match: AJ Styles vs Christopher Daniels

Match #1039593 between these two, but I dig Daniels going Memphis to start, running around the ring trying to get away from the enraged Styles, whose life is falling apart. I know it's so bad and all but I kind of love this angle and Daniels has been great on the mic through the whole thing. Styles still bumps like a fucking psychopath as always and Daniels has become more awesome than ever in his old age, as he doesn't have the athleticism he used to, but he's such a smart rassler that he has sort of become the skinny version of Adam Pearce. Styles busted open and this match is fucking great, just brawling and weapons and blood and hatred and violence and shit-talking. I LOVE THIS MATCH. Daniels bleeds too. THE PURE HATRED LEADS TO A DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE ON THE ENTRANCE RAMP. THEY DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT PAIN. THIS MATCH IS GREAT

Motherfuckers crashing around on the entrance ramp, and then DAMN YOU KAZARIAN, he comes out and thrwos Styles off the stage onto the cold hard concrete below. But minutes later Styles gets teh Styles Clash off the fucking entrance ramp and through a table below. That is crazy as fuck! Styles wins by getting up from that. THIS RULED. TWENTY-SEVEN STARS

Ultimate X: Mason Andrews vs Zema Ion vs Kenny King vs Sonjay Dutt

These poor bastards having to follow that with a "lay around and do a highspot" match. Zema Ion gets caught in the tree of woe, but he isn't sure he wants to be in it, so he's pulling himself up, and then with no assistance from anyone else, just goes, "hm, yes, I would like to be here so that someone can do a move to me." Sonjay gets hurt and leavees pretty early. Mason Andrews is all OOH I FLEW and then he's like OOH I FLEW GOOD. I hate this guy. Then Sonjay comes back. Ion wins after hairspraying Sonjay Dutt off the X cables. I really thought this was underwhelming.

Post-match interview, Zema dedicates win to Sorensen and his broken neck.

World Heavyweight Title: Bobby Roode vs Austin Aries

Given time they had the chance to take this from solid to great. I don't watch the TNA weekly show so I only knew this from glancing over internet articles about this and the video packages and shit. These two told the story in the ring and sucked me in, and as much as I loved freaking out watching the LMS match earlier in the show, this was the best match tonight. It was fantastic. Roode was excellent as the overconfident, longstanding champ, and Aries was perfect as the highly-skilled underdog who everyone thought could win except Roode, another thing Roode nailed. And the work from both was terrific. I can't say enough good things about this match -- I'm not saying it's up there with the best matches I've ever seen or anything, but they delivered three times over on what you could have hoped for with this match, and Aries winning was a genuine moment for this God forsaken company, and I'm so fucking stoked on this match and really this show overall (nothing sucked, two great matches, one really good match, the X div stuff was fine even if not my flavor) that I'm going to stupidly think, "Hey, TNA might be finally turning that corner." Austin Aries is another of these motherfuckers I saw in shitty carpeted gymnasium in northwest Indiana, and he's another world champion now. IT BRINGS TEARS TO MY EYES! (It doesn't, but it's pretty rad.) Now if only Trik Davis could win the X division title.


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