This was added to Netflix. I will do it in parts because, well, there's plenty on each disc, even if you FF the promo bullshit. Let's see what I hate!
Falls Count Anywhere, WWE Title: The Miz (c) vs John Morrison (Raw, January 3)
Fight starts in the entrance way and as seen above, Morrison flies off the WW. That's better than Sabu fallin' off da R. I feel the personal animosity here. I know that they were a short-lived "great tag team" -- LOL -- so I know there is an issue here, deep emotions and there should be true hatred. From a standpoint of, like, being physically active in the ring, Miz is not a terrible professional wrestler, but his facial expressions are absolutely abysmal. Athletically Morrison is exceptional but I'm not sure he makes very much sense. Miz makes faces in the ring. Morrison makes angry faces from the floor, where he has just killed Alex Riley. We come back from a break and Miz is apparently now beating some ass up by the entrance stage, setting up an old timey guardrail. I don't think I have ever seen such a turnaround from where we left a match to what we come back to. That's inexcusable, and nothing to do with the wrestlers.
Miz is bringing some goods here with a nasty running kneelift to a prone Morrison's face, but then he ruins it with his emoting. RRRGH. C'MON. RRRGH. I was once told I would never get into modern WWE because I am "too Southern." I'm not from the South, but it is the wrestling I most identify with and understand and love, so I took that as a compliment. But I am incredibly stubborn, so I keep trying.
Fuck, Miz is kind of great in this match apart from his emoting, and Morrison is a strong pinball. Look at the fat kid in the first row looking up to the big TV screen to see the side of his own head. You gotta be a grade-A jackass to try and see the side of your own head on TV when you paid for a front row seat to something. VINTAGE MIZ, apparently. Oh my God with his acting already. He's literally as convincing at this as he was on Real World/Road Rules Challenge when he "transformed" into the Miz and walked around gingerly touching road signs with his head, trying to be crazy.
Starship Pain is one of them stupid moves I can't get into. Why do all that twisty shit when one can achieve the same impact with a simple splash? I guess perhaps I am too, well, something, at least, as I keep having these moments where I expect things to be wrestling and try to make sense and not just We Do It For the Fans' Entertainment :)
Morrison sets Miz up on a table ringside, and goes for Starship Pain through the table, but misses and pretty spectacularly crashes through the table. Two count on that for Miz. Goddamn, on the slow-mo replay, you see how easily that could have gone horribly wrong. That was fuckin XTREEEEEEME. Skull-Crushing Finale on the floor -- 1, 2, 3. This was pretty fucking good when I get over Miz's Muppet face.
Intercontinental Title: Dolph Ziggler vs Kofi Kingston (Smackdown, January 7)
Josh: "Kofi Kingston has pinned Dolph Ziggler in a numerous amount of times..."
Stryker: "Kofi Kingston the Ryan Mallet of Friday Night Smackdown, a real deep ball threat."
Who has ever called a quarterback a "deep ball threat"? That's a term normally reserved for receivers. Stryker pulls a "Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Conway Twitty" joke out, and I am already wanting to absolutely die. He's about as clever as the Kidz Bop hating idiot I'm going to now link for the second time.
Ziggler is really, really good. Kofi is really, really not. Kofi has also-ran ECW high-flying offense, like a lesser Rob Van Dam. Vickie helps because she is the best wrestling manager in the last 20 years or so. Anyway Kofi winds up winning kind of out of nowhere with a gourdbuster from the turnbuckles, and then a flying frog crossbody. It just sort of happens. He just wins. This was decent, entirely due to Dolph and Vickie, but pretty forgettable overall. You'd think the angle here -- Kofi trying for months to win a nothing belt -- would have a more epic finish when he does, but oh well. Dolph attacks after the match.
Oh wait, I see - Vickie is the acting GM tonight, and she orders an immediate rematch. Dolph takes a quick advantage, Kingston with a kick to the head, and he wins again. Slightly more fun this way.
2/3 Falls: Alberto Del Rio vs Rey Mysterio (Smackdown, January 7)
First fall goes by pretty quickly, fast pace and then Alberto gets in a cross armbreaker for the tapout to go up 1-0. Alberto is PUMPED. Mysterio remains fucking incredible in short bursts, against all odds in his mid-30s. La Magistral evens it up at 1-1 and it's so far short, but a lot of fun.
Third fall is the meat of the match and continues to celebrate the manly excellence of Little Rey Mysterio. Rey is counted out when Ricardo holds his leg and keeps him from getting back into the ring. Alberto still does little for me, but on the other hand he is great at everything Miz sucks at. Little kids console Rey at ringside. Mysterio kicks the ring steps, which seems a terrible idea given the shape of his knees. Ricardo gets his after the match.
Divas Title: Melina vs Natalya (c) (Raw, January 24)
There's almost no way this actually should be here, but you know, equality and shit. Cole calls Natalya fat. Haha yeah what a pig. She's so much bigger than Melina. Yeah, this is terrible. I do recall this now for the killer Sharpshooter that sees Melina bent backwards and the "Natty the Fatty" conversation. At least it was short.
The Miz vs Daniel Bryan (Raw, February 14)
These two have history. Miz brings his acting immediately. AH. YOU ARE NOT GOOD AT THIS AND I AM. Alex Riley says, "Can I sports-entertain and commentate?" Can he sports-entertain. Can he sports-entertain. Sports-entertain.
Commentary is ruining this one since they've no intention of paying attention to the match and it winds up distracting the shit out of me. Cole says Miz is a combination of Lou Thesz, Bob Backlund, and Stone Cold. Now they're picking it up. "He's must-see!" A young HHH! Shawn Michaels! And now Da Crusher is mentioned. Michael Cole has picked up his game. Bryan breaks the barricade with a flying knee from the apron to the floor. Riley is concerned. Missile dropkick for two back in the ring. But Miz turns it around again.
This is fine. They have some chemistry, and Bryan is up to holding Miz's hand through a professional wrestling match at moments. Bryan back in control with Kickpad Routine '01. German suplex = What a Throw. We're full-on back to the days of Vince and whattamaneuver, outside of everyone having nine named moves. Skull-Crushing Finale and Miz wins clean ahead of his Elimination Chamber match with Lawler.
A Bunch of Rock and Cena Promos
The World Heavyweight Title Coronation of Dolph Ziggler
World Heavyweight Title: Dolph Ziggler (c) vs Edge (Smackdown, February 18)
This is still in the period I was trying to watch last year and I vaguely remember this match. Cmon dog I gotta go wit Edge man. Booker T is so bad. Man Ziggler is good. This guy's the best wrestler in this company. Edge is a lot better weeks from his retirement than Rick Rude was. Ziggler takes a spear like he's Chavo Guerrero to Edge's Goldberg. And that's your finish. SUUperSTAAR. Needs more Dolph. Dolph gets fired by Theodore R. Edge has confetti drop from the ceiling to send Dolph out. Ziggler is great here. Edge is a cheeseball.
Michael Cole Talks, JBL Talks, Stone Cold Interrupts
I did like this promo, but FF, EXCEPT:
John Cena-Del Rio-Miz Crap
Steel Cage Match: Christian vs Alberto Del Rio (Smackdown, March 18)
Dis keeid's cunfidence is sortin sky high, says Booker, about Del Rio. "Pectorial." Hype is this is Alberto's first cage match. He is doing well to start. Now he goes to a chinlock which may somehow hurt Christian's pectorial. For a cage match this has no balls. They're doing some moves and this could be a regular old match. Booker T is horrendous. Up on top of the cage and it's punch tradin' time. HEADBUTT from Del Rio. Now they're both over the top and Christian is falling and Alberto is falling and Christian drops first. I liked the finish. The rest was OK.
Intercontinental Title: Kofi Kingston (c) vs Wade Barrett (Smackdown, March 25)
The Corre really made the impact they were hoping to make, and no one can dispute that. I suppose the world need Kofi Kingstons. He's flashy. The world needed 2 Cold Scorpios once upon a time, too. Corre distracts Kingston enough and Barrett hits the Baba O'Riley for the win and the title. The Corre would dominate for ... DAYS!
20 minutes and I don't give a fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug.