Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Scott Watches WCW Saturday Night (May 7, 1994)


We see clips from Japan of Rick Rude winning the international title back from Sting. Rude got back-broked in his next match over there.

OH FUCK

Johnny B. Badd vs Ron Vegas

Ron Vegas has fringe EEEEEEVERYWHERE. Wow. This is the fringiest match I have ever seen in my life. Johnny B. Badd may have the gay gimmick (or gay-ish, at this point), but Ron Vegas looks like a nomad bear moving around the mid-level cities of America, running through the young and curious (young but of adult age, let's not be criminal about it) before getting his luggage packed and heading from Akron out to Scranton down to Norfolk and then south, west, into the plains...

Badd squashes him like an intolerant dad or older brother. After the match, Johnny says he's headed to Philly to face Steve Austin for the US title. Gene isn't sure -- he'll have to find out during the Control Center.

Slamboree 93: Bockwinkel vs Funk draw

I've just got no desire for the announcers a talkin. LET'S WATCH WRESTLING

Bunkhouse Buck (w/Col. Parker) vs Al Phillips

Dustin Rhdoes gets a picture-in-picture promo. This isn't as bad as his first big promo I saw through this project ("PALLIES!") but he's trying to Dusty it up a little bit again.

Buck wins quick and ties poor young Al Phillips up after the match. Buck didn't even have to take his flannel off for this match. Young Al Phillips does his job well enough here. In two matches, we've had two finishes due to punches, Johnny B. Badd's left hook and Bunkhouse Buck's big right hand. Col. Parker talks to Gene after the match, blah blah blah blah. Col. Parker wants to meet up with Ric Flair...or Ricky Steamboat. The winner from next week.

Bunkhouse Buck gets some time on the STICK. Big bowl o' grits n' gravy, brother. The Saturday Night random BOOOs are funny. Buck shits on cowboys ridin' for money. He does it because he loves it. I think his breath stinks according to Gene.

THEN I WENT ON TWITTER AND FREAKED OUT OVER PAUL THE PIMPLE KING AND HOW YOU CAN EDGE LIKE THIS WITH A WAGNER POWER PAINTER

Slamboree Control Center

After 72 more commercials Gene is back with Sensuous Sherri. In WCW 94, Sherri was hot and giving Gene a boner stroke. In the WWF she was treated like some hag.

Arn Anderson vs Brad Armstrong

YEAH, DADDY! Bring this on! FUCK I want that Enforcer jacket. I feel kinda bad throwing Brad up there like one of the non-descript jobber scrubs, because he was a hell of a wrestler, really. But fuck it. Armstrong works the side headlock quickly and really screws it in, and then they go into some RASSLIN.

Arn takes over, because he is Arn Anderson and even lost in the shuffle in 1994, he is Arn Anderson and Brad Armstrong is just Brad Armstrong. Brad takes over -- "Mr. Offense" Tony calls him. Arn blocks the Russian legsweep, DDT, and that's that. This was real good. Anderson looks down on Brad with respect, and checks on him after the match.

Ric Flair's with Gene. I don't FF Flair promos. That's a rule and a fact. "One of these days, Gene, they're gonna push me just a little bit too far. You know, Bockwinkel and this illustrious committee, in Chicago, they raised MY hand. They put the title belt in my hand, and I walked out the champion. Only to find out that once again, my integrity, my ability, my skills are all questioned again. Two weeks later, you wanna hold it up, you wanna find out who the champion is? Wrong! You question me, I GIVE you the belt, and I show you who the champion is. Next week, Bockwinkel, WCW, Steamboat, whoever I have to prove it to, TURN IT ON! 'Cause LIVE, Ric Flair, woo! will walk that aisle, and he'll show ya why he is currently the world heavyweight champion, and will stay the world heavyweight champion."

Arn joins. "I am tickled to death to beat a performer like Brad Armstrong, one of the greatest this sport's ever known. So I am flying real high right now, Ric. Ricky Steamboat I think the world of, you, you been my friend for as long as I can remember. But two things the people are askin' me everywhere I go, each and every day: Arn Anderson, what do you got in mind for '94? And when are you gonna put this (four fingers) back together? So I'm calling on you now. It's time. Let's put this back together."

Flair is non-committal, but after next week, they will talk.

Regal-Zbyszko stuff

United States Heavyweight Title: Dustin Rhodes vs Stunning Steve Austin (c) (w/Col. Parker)

Austin and Rhodes have by this time been in the ring together about 11,000 times. WHOOMP THERE IT IS! WHOOMP THERE IT IS! Dustin's cowbell is janglin around on a turnbuckle, I think. Dustin in control early. Dustin has mid-tier side headlocks for this time. Rhodes controlling the match. Kind of a typical Saturday Night main event -- the money was often in getting a good undercard match like Arn-Armstrong. Austin turns it around and Tony and Bobby just talk about Slamboree. DDT from Dustin is no Arn DDT, but only Jake had a better DDT than Arn, so I am picking nits. Lariat from Dustin. He's bringing it all out for this one. Flip flop n fly, but mostly fly. Dustin with the BIG lariat this time for two. Bulldog is blocked once, but then he comes back and lands it. Col Parker distracts the referee, and Bunkhouse Buck cracks Rhodes with the cowbell, and Austin wins. Buck puts the boots to Rhodes. Johnny B. Badd makes the save with his dramatic punches.

NEXT WEEK FLAIR AND STEAMBOAT, ONE MORE TIME.

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