Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Scott Watches WCW Saturday Night (April 30, 1994)

TONIGHT! Maxx Payne hates Vader and they're gonna fuckin fight! Vader is a PUNK who has to get in the ring with Maxx Payne tonight!

Hi fans! It's the Saturday Night Mother Ship w/Tony and Bobby and Gene, and we will have footage from Spring Stampede. HEY! I don't give a crap about the talkin'! I'm watching this to see different style matches between PPV shows.

Blah blah blah WCW title held up. Flair getting heelish. Steamboat interrupts. "The last time you put that finger in my face," says Flair, "I broke it off and threw it away. I don't think that's true! Pal. Face the facts.

Sting vs Bob Starr

Sting, from Venice Beach, faces west coast rival Bob Starr of Los Angeles.

Bob Starr -- "Bobby" according to Tony and then actual Bobby (Heenan) -- knows he has the chance of a lifetime here in Atlanta. He's traveled over 2000 miles to face Sting at Center Stage Theater, and he's going to make it count, jumping on the hero clown immediately.

Starr was actually quite the regular, of course, so I know of his work. This is one of his shorter outings, as Sting lays in a series of chops and punches, all right-handed, backdrop, bodyslam, elbow drop, and then a Stinger Splash. Sting doesn't even bother to deathlock the guy. He goes "ow," remembers to pin Starr, and does. That's it, that's all. Bobby Starr jobbed to 'em all, man. Fuck another Chris Jericho book. I wanna read Bob Starr's book.

Sting is such a nice fellow he helps Starr right up and pats him on the back, helps him out of the ring.

Sting promo, 3 Ninjas Kick Back commercial, Skittles, FF. Col. Parker talks on his affairs in the rasslin bidness. Austin vs Dustin next week.

Flyin' Brian vs The Gambler

A couple of Guardian Angels are shown ringside. Augh. Gambler gets a lot more of a chance to do something than Starr got, because the Gambler, he's got a few moves. But when he takes a risk, he is merely a chest for Brian Pillman to smack. Gambler eats a dropkick IN HIS MUSH. Flying crossbody wins it for Pillman. Heenan: "He's busted." Then he jacks off everywhere, all over Schiavone's suit.

Regal-Zbyszko feud is starting, and Regal wants an apology from what happened on the last Saturday Night. I ain't watched that one for this thing, so whatever. Zbyszko's here anyway. This is Mayweather-Merchant 17 years earlier. Zbyszko says he won't interview Regal anymore, but then he decks Sir William with a single jab. I guess that's like if Merchant had dropped Leonard Ellerbe.

Champions World Class Soccer from Acclaim. Jaws Jackson snags a ramhead.

Slamboree Control Center features Dustin Rhodes and Buckhouse Buck promos. Both are good. After about 40 years on commercial, the Guardian Angels speak to Mean Gene. They want to speak to Ray Traylor. They saw what happened him. They might be his future. So Big Ray gets a beret and a shirt. Boss Man looks sweet in that suit of his. "We got a limo outside. We got a jet outside to take you where you need to be." A jet on hand makes the Guardian Angels seem a little more corporate and wimpy than I think is wise.

Ricky Steamboat vs Rick Fargo

Chop chop chop and Rick Fargo flies to the canvas and rolls to the floor. Fargo comes back and runs into a drop toe-hold. This is another quickie, as Fargo takes the crossbody block and that'll do 'er.

I wonder if Steamboat has anything to say? No, but Nick Bockwinkel, who has the WCW belt, has something to say. Bockwinkel has the decision: Two weeks from tonight, Saturday Night will host a rematch between Flair and Steamboat. ONE MORE TIME

Sensuous Sherri is here at World Championship Wrestling with one express purpose: She's lookin' for a man. "Yeeeeeeeeeees, Mean Gene, I tell you what, I've been here in the WCW, and I tell you what." TELL HIM WHAT. She's looking for some big dicks. She feels up Gene. What a woman.

Maxx Payne vs Vader (w/Harley Race)

I'm actually really looking forward to this match. This could be hard-hitting and awesome. Or it could be Vader going 50% and Maxx Payne being Maxx Payne. Vader starts fast with a beatdown, and Maxx crumbles to the mat. So right off the bat we get the impression that big Maxx, big and tough as he is, really might be in well over his head against the former world champion. And Maxx seems to understand that this is a possibility after absorbing instead of just observing a Vader attack.

But Maxx quickly regroups and beats the shit out of Vader in the corner. Vader's mask is off, and he LAYS INTO Maxx and drops him with a short-arm clothesline. Right hand! Right hand! Right right left left. Wide shots, hooks, jabs, chopping blows, body shots. Fuck this rules. Maxx hangs with Cactus Jack, thinks he's in that league now, and Vader says, alright, let's see if you really want to be Cactus Jack, kid, and just lays it all over him. Maxx looks genuinely overwhelmed by Vader here. the look on his face when the camera catches him is one of "Fuck, this is what it's like."

But game Maxx fires back. Still, many shots and a suplex just lead to Vader bouncing back to his feet and plowing through him with another clothesline and some more potatoes. Off the ropes and Vader drills him with that gut attack of his, dares him to get up, and when he does, yet another lariat puts him right back down. Vader to the second rope, but he gets caught with a powerslam from the escond rope. Maxx up, and a splash on Vader's head.

HEY! This match is actually better than I was hoping for. Maxx misses a second rope splash and Big Van knows he gets to kill him some more. Side suplex without Vader going down too, just a slam basically, and then the Vader bomb. Harley wants more. A second, and he got some nice air there. Harley wants more. Vader pulls him back out a hair and he's going up to the top rope, but not for the moonsault, just an enormous splash. That ends it. This match fuckin ruled in ways that (this week's big guy) vs (last week's big guy) never can in today's WWE.

After the match, Rick Rude is in the ring and swingin' a chair like a madman. People can't figure out if for the first time ever, they're supposed to cheer Rick Rude. Are they? Rude with Okerlund. An eye for an eye. Instant karma. "Race, Vader, you've been living on borrowed time. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Slamboree. The Rude Collection Agency is comin'. And I expect payment in full!"

It never happened.

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