Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Scott Watches WCW Worldwide (Jan. 8, 1994)

We're back at MGM! It's still actually November 1993! Will be for a bit!

Dustin Rhodes vs Nasty Ned

Vince McMahon wouldn't even let too many guys be named Steve, let alone having the Nasty Boys and Nasty Ned. Ned starts fast, but Dustin's not really having it. Dropkick, snapmare, elbow drop. Ned's chaps-n-jeans look is the sort of thing you only find on mid-90s WCW secondary shows out of guys who have been trying to make it since 1985 and have just now updated "their look" in a final attempt to become big stars. But hey, Nasty Ned is here in The WCW, so who's to argue? Atomic drop and a big lariat, and Ned flips on the bump to make Dustin look devastating. Out of the turnbuckle, bulldog, that'll do it. Dustin isn't being paid by the hour. Nasty Ned did a terrific job looking like he was totally discombobulated by Dustin's pace and big offense.

Cactus Jack and Maxx Payne are here to talk to Mean Gene. Maxx Payne the babyface is slightly better than Maxx Payne the heel. But he's still a goofball.

Let's go back to Starrcade, where Mean Gene speaks to Ric Flair at the reception after the event.

The Nasty Boys (w/Missy Hyatt) vs Brian James & Bert Styles

And in back-to-back matches even. MGM being a family environment means that Missy Hyatt can't be as hot as usual. There is your Roaddd Dogggg in the American flag trunks and he will be starting out to be demolished by the Nasty Boys. I love the excited Worldwide crowd - yeah it's phony, but so what? Wrestling is fucking phony. Bert Styles is AJ Styles' father. True story. (I wonder if someone will read that and believe it? (Even after I make clear I'm lying, I mean.))

Anyway, Sags hits the flying elbow (well, sort of) on Bert, and so much for that. TAKE OFF YOUR TOP

Here's a special video look at Stunning Steve and Flyin' Brian. Clips from Saturday Night, where Austin defended his U.S. title against Sting. Oh, I see, we're just going to watch a lot of this match. Anyway, Sting doesn't win the US title and Flyin' Brian gets involved, kinda. Flyin' Brian wants Col. Parker.

Call 1-800-414-HAWK to get some official Road Warriors merchandise. Bicycle playing cards. Gravity cologne for me.

World Television Title: Johnny B. Badd vs Lord Steven Regal (c, w/Sir William)

It's your typical Badd-Regal match. It's alright, but I'm not watching Worldwide for a Badd-Regal matchup. Or am I? Is this indeed what I wanted all along? Sir William punches Badd and gets Regal disqualified. More Worldwide enhancement talent, please.

Oh, fuck yes!

Vader vs David Walby

Over there is poor David Walby, who is about to be killed by big tough Vader the big tough guy. Vader grunts his way through this like it's a Gianna Michaels scene. Vader splashes him a couple times, pulls him up at two, yells about the power booooomb, and then delivers it. David Walby was safer than he's been since in the warm embrace of mother's arms. What a kind man, this Vader. There should be a Vader vs jobbers compilation.

Peanuthead, 2 Cold and their white stripper buddy are here to talk to Mean Gene. Teddy Long is kind of an idiot. He was a stupid referee, he carried around Norman's dildo key, then most of his career was spent managing mediocrities if not outright losers, and then he was a GM in WWE, but what did he really do? 2 Cold gets cut off by Gene, and is not pleased with that. He had a catchphrase to get out, I think. Didn't get it in.

Paul Orndorff & Paul Roma vs Cactus Jack & Maxx Payne

Once again this is your evenly matched Worldwide main event. Orndorff stooges around to start the match with Jack, then cowers from the intimidating Maxx Payne. Roma tags in. He stalls. I don't mind stalling as it riles up a wrestling crowd, and I said I enjoy the forced reactions of the Worldwide audience, and I do, but this isn't a wrestling crowd, and they aren't flashing the BOO THIS MAN lights for Roma's stalling, so people are mostly just confused by this. Jack gets in and Roma hooks it up. Perhaps the stalling was more a protest of having to wrestle Maxx Payne. Then the Nasty Boys run in for a second DQ in two weeks. Oh this is all just getting started. Tag team wrestling will be a focal point of WCW in the year of 1994.

Okerlund is with the Nastys and Missy, who gives Gene some bunny ears. TELL 'EM SAGS. No, Sags. Don't. WHO are we gonna wrestle? Nobody! Probably for the best. The Nastys go back to beating up Cactus Jack. OH SHIT ELECTRONIC HOT SHOT BASKETBAL. I HAD THAT. REMEMBER THE 90s? Robocop 3 for Genesis. Fuck, Robocop's back.

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