Saturday, December 17, 2011

Scott Watches WCW Fall Brawl '93

As Rafiki said, "It is time."

The last time I did one of these was on February 16, and it was Clash of the Champions XXIV from Daytona Beach. When last we were with The WCW, Steve Austin & Brian Pillman were starting to kinda have some issues, Arn Anderson & Paul Roma had won the tag team titles, Maxx Payne sucked, The Shockmaster debuted, Ricky Steamboat had won the TV title, Ric Flair and Sting were considering making out, Cactus Jack was a pain in WCW World Heavyweight Champion Big Van Vader's big van ass, and Davey Boy Smith was treading water as an alleged main eventer.

So let's do this. Kids are going back to school and blah blah, IT'S THE BRAWL IN THE FALL. Fuck yeah! Houston, get ready for this one! Ricky Steamboat vs Lord Steven Regal! Arn & Roma vs Nasty Boys! Flair vs Rude! WAR GAMES w/Shockmaster! Astro Arena! September 19, 1993! The first-ever Fall Brawl!

Michael Buffer!

World Television Title Match: Lord Steven Regal (w/Sir William) vs Ricky Steamboat (c)

Steamboat has injured ribs due to a beatdown on Saturday Night. So Ricky comes out brawling and tosses Regal onto the walkway. Goddamn it I love the walkway. This was back before Regal's toughness was put over and the brawling is sold as being to Regal's scientific disadvantage. Regal goes after the back and ribs after he switches the advantage, and we hit the mat for a while. Good match - 100% as solid as you'd expect. Steamboat gets the flying crossbody but hesitates on the cover due to the ribs. Steamboat skins the cat, but Sir William conks him in the head, setting up Regal's finishing German suplex and the first TV title win for Lord Steven Regal.

In the Mean Gene position, Eric Bischoff is with The Nasty Boys. They are truly nasty. They got a big big secret sittin at the end of Nasty Street.

Big Sky vs Charlie Norris

Why. Handful chants "We Want Flair," then moments later follows it with "Boring." You said it, dickheads. As largely disinterested as the crowd is, Sabretooth gets a mild reaction for gloating over his show of power. I guess WCW saw the major money that was just flowing from Tatanka and decided they needed an Indian dude too. Norris kicks Sky in the head and wins. That could be the final sentence, names changed, for most fights in history.

Holy shit a handicapped dude interviews Davey Boy Smith. I did some Scott Dunlap research and apparently this was the only appearance. The best part? He's better than everyone in WWE today. at least he gives a shit.

Paul Orndorff & The Equalizer vs 2 Cold Scorpio & Marcus Alexander Bagwell

FUCK YES THE 2 COLD SONG. ERRYBODY HERE COME 2 COLD SCORPIO. "You know they made a movie, White Men Can't Jump?" "Yeah." "White men can't dance." "Well, they can wrestle." Good call, Tony.

2 Cold, he wants the belts. He keeps saying "we want the belts," but Bagwell isn't committing to anything. Orndorff and the doofus Equalizer are about as mismatched as a tag team can get. Yet he manages to outsmart Bagwell. Well, for a moment anyway. Eventually Equalizer gets some heat on Bagwell because that's really exciting. Orndorff gets in to hook on a thrilling bearhug. Scorpio's hot tag comes at the expense of Equalizer. Flying crossbody gets a two. Now they all fight! Boy this is the type of great tag team wrestling I just love. Goofy finish comes when Orndorff puts Equalizer down with a knee by accident and 2 Cold delivers the 450. But don't worry. The Equalizer will get his heat back. This match actually wasn't bad or anything, just a little off.

Eric Bischoff speaks with new world television champion Lord Steven Regal, who has fixed his hair and re-donned his cape.

Shanghai Pierce (w/Tex Slazenger) vs Ice Train

Why. Shanghai Pierce is very big, but Ice Train is bigger, a little bit. Ice Train wins with a powerslam, proving his superior bigness. Then he beats up both the honkies.

World Tag Team Title Match: The Nasty Boys (w/Missy Hyatt) vs Arn Anderson & Paul Roma (c)

Missy Hyatt is truly nasty. Truly. Too much of this match involves Paul Roma for my liking. Though Wikipedia says that "Paul Roma and Arn Anderson were an incredible tag team" on the Paul Roma page, I will just say I don't agree. Roma's best work was with Power & Glory. That is a fact. Fans chant "Porky Pig" at Knobbs. Fair enough. This Arn Anderson and Paul Roma as babyfaces bit isn't for me. Arn Anderson should only be a babyface when the fucks he's fighting are so despicable and disrespectful, such turds, that the fans know they have to side with Arn Anderson, who may not be a hero, but is a man's man.

Anyway, after your standard Nasty Boys match stretched out to about 20 minutes, Roma hits the swan dive on Knobbs, but then Sags hits Roma, and the Nastys win the belts. Honestly, the Nastys/Missy combination is pretty good and I'm not a big Nasty Boys hater as much as I just think Brian Knobbs is one of the world's biggest lameasses, but when you put those two and Paul Roma in a match for this long, it gets a bit tiresome. Arn's cool though.

Here's some clips of Vader breaking Cactus Jack's face on Saturday Night and then the power bomb on the floor. This feud kicked ass. But then came the insomnia deal. And then they tried to save it with the promo where he walked around in front of Siamese Dream posters.

Bounty Match: Yoshi Kwan (w/Harley Race) vs Cactus Jack

It seems like Yoshi Kwan should totally suck, but not really. Chris Champion did a pretty good job even with the slanty-eyed makeup, and this match is fine. Jack wins fairly easily, though, because it's just Chris Champion pretending to be Asian. Cactus gets his mystery bag back from Harley Race after the match.

Now we see clips of Rick Rude, with fannypack, forcing himself on Ric Flair's "Flair For the Gold" maid, then getting slapped, then kicking Flair's ass.

NWA World Heavyweight Title Match: Rick Rude vs Ric Flair (c)

Rude has some Fifi tights. He's not fuckin' around tonight. This is serious business and he's going to fuck Ric Flair's woman and take his dignity and shit. This is a really good match, but I have to admit that I've never once in my life, then or now or in between, thought to myself, "You know what match I'd like to see?" Because I don't like babyface Flair that much.

Anyway, this is OK, but the two of them don't have much chemistry and they have some trouble building heat. The first half of the match is too slow for its own good, but you get that with Rick Rude sometimes. The second half of the match is actually pretty good, but still not what it could/should be. Flair gets the figure four but Rude takes some KNUX out his groin and whomps him but good. Rude wins the belt. Whatever.

War Games: The Match Beyond
Harlem Heat, Sid Vicious & Vader vs Dustin Rhodes, Davey Boy Smith, The Shockmaster & Sting

"Kane came out saying, 'nothin' but a thing.' You're not kiddin' it's nothin' but a thing!" says Tony Schiavone. I'm not going to call them Kane and Kole because it's pointless. Ain't no Kane. Ain't no Kole.

Animal is adviser to the babyfaces, and wants Shockmaster to start with Vader, but Dustin Rhodes sneaks in to get some revenge for his injured ribs. Did everyone get their ribs injured on Saturday Night? Dustin puts some hurt on Vader, then his boot is off and he's hittin' him with a boot, which is pretty great, and then Vader flattens him with a clothesline. The opening segment is good, the part where Sting evens it 2-on-2 is good, and the rest of this pretty much sucks until the Shockmaster bearhugs Booker T into submission. Jesus Christ. What a shit War Games. After the match, Sid demands satisfaction and Booker T has a fit about not giving up. "I'ma kill somebody!" Whoa. Ease up.

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