Monday, December 19, 2011

Scott Watches WCW Clash of the Champions XXV

November 10, 1993 from the Bayfront Arena in St. Petersburg, FL, home of the beloved SuperBrawl I. Road Warrior Hawk is back to challenge Rick Rude for the International belt! Regal vs Johnny B. Badd fuck he's back for the TV title. Sting & Davey Boy face the Nasty Boys! Dustin Rhodes puts the US title on the line against Mr. Wonderful! Flair and Vader for the WCW title!

IT'S MEAN GENE OKERLUND, Y'ALL! Mean Gene in his first Mission appearance! We're ten days away from Battlebowl. The Hotline is open right now! Your opportunity to vote for the Manager of the Year!

The answer is B. Missy Hyatt, for the record.

Tony Schiavone and Jesse Ventura are ringside, and they're excited. Let's go to the ring! It occurs to me that I'm really going to miss Jesse Ventura when Bischoff fires him fairly soon. He really added a lot of character to these shows, as he did in the WWF, and while I like Bobby Heenan, who comes in soon himself, by this point in time Ventura was the better of the two.

And I'm not looking forward to the inevitable Bischoff-led shows either. He's just the burning shits and his belief that he could do better to sell his product than Schiavone could have is a load, but then Bischoff says a lot of things that are a load, and he does it with that pearly whites smile and the insistence that everyone else just doesn't get it, because you know, none of them were ever in his position, and blah blah blah. "No, no, fools. This is the way it is." But I actually think Bischoff is OK. And he did admit Schiavone is better than him. And I don't even know why I'm attacking him really. I just think he sucks as a commentator.

Anyway, let's wrestle.

International World Title Match: Rick Rude (c) vs Road Warrior Hawk

Hawk faced Rude in August at Clash XXIV, teaming with Dustin Rhodes against Rude and the Equalizer, which was kind of weird, and then he wasn't at Fall Brawl or Halloween Havoc, but now here he is again, getting something alleged to be a world title shot.

Hawk beats the shit out of Rude for a little bit, really letting him do absolutely nothing, while Ventura talks about Rude's pants, one of his all-time favorite obsessions. The losers go on the butt. Ventura's on the thigh.

Hawk seems like a legitimate threat. Then there's a double countout. Ah fuck that.

The Equalizer vs The Shockmaster

Backstage something to do with Rick Rude and Davey Boy Smith has happened, but we don't know what. Equalizer gets the upperhand early, but Shockmaster is simply too big and too strong and too fat, and he wins with the bearhug squish. That's nice for him. This feud lacks sizzle.

Now I decide to drink the rest of the Rowan's Creek (a fine Bardstown bourbon) before heading over to the Maker's Mark or Bulleit. Rolling with the Brown Hotel shot glass. If there is a finer city than Louisville, Kentucky, I don't know where it is.

Col. Rob Parker has dropped that Sid Vicious like a hot patata to side 100% with Stunning Steve Austin.

World Television Title: Johnny B. Badd vs Lord Steven Regal (c, w/Sir William)

I wasn't missing Badd the last two shows, but he looks really good here against Regal. Badd is getting to that brief period in his career where he'd gotten past all the true greenness and become competent and had an understanding of how to use his athletic gifts. Give him Regal, who can put it all together, and you've got some nice stuff. Regal cradles Badd after some Sir William interference, and retains his title. Good stuff, much as I hate Marc Mero and his face.

Stunning Steve Austin vs Flyin' Brian Pillman

This breaks Ventura's heart. Pillman jumps on Austin to start, but then chases after Parker outside and runs right into a big clothesline. They brawl around, Pillman jumps to Austin on the runway, but eats some foot for his trouble. Austin tosses him off the ramp into the guardrail. This is as heated as it needs to be. Pillman looks in good shape, Austin is Austin, and we've got ourselves a fine match that beats the shit out of the heinous Morton-Gibson match from GAB '91.

Austin hit with a DDT, but he kicks out. Austin's little top hairdo is flopping all over the place like crazy. Pillman dropped out of a crucifix. Austin heads to the top, and shouldn't. I was right, he misses. Pillman rolls him up for another decent near-fall. Stun-gun attempted, but Nick Patrick gets in the way. Parker trips up Pillman and Austin wins the match. But here comes Pillman to kick his ass after, and now Pillman's alone with Parker, who bails.

Battlebowl control center with Mean Gene! Control centers are so great. When I eventually do this with the WWF and battle Brent's sporadic WWF reviews (that's right - sporadic!) I'm gonna watch so many Todd Pettengill control center segments. Paul Orndorff says Battlebowl is his kinda match. "This Battlebowl could be anything!" Sting is excited about the best being in Battlebowl. Sting has no idea who could win! Interesting, Sting.

United States Heavyweight Title: Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff (w/The Assassin) vs Dustin Rhodes (c, w/Dusty Rhodes)

Whatever the issue is between the Assassin and Dusty, it's going to be settled between other guys right NOW, right HERE. Of all the guys for whom I've gained a great appreciation during the Mission review, Dustin Rhodes has to be in the top three, if not right at the top. Dusty hits the ring with Dustin, takes his jacket off, and he and the Assassin get to jawing. Assassin is so fat he can barely fit his head in the mask. You get the feeling that Dusty is more over than everyone else on the card. Oh well. He's Dusty.

I'd actually rather watch the two fat old-timers go at it than see Orndorff do his deal. Dustin is a favorite on these shows for me but it's all about matchups -- he's fine against anyone, but only special against the really good guys, and he's frankly a much better tag wrestler than a singles dude. This is alright enough - Dustin works the crowd a little but St. Pete ain't his town, it's his daddy's town, and this isn't boxing where Julio Cesar Chavez Jr just gets over because.

Rhodes and Orndorff blow Rhodes' bulldog something awful, or rather blow a reversal, or whatever happened there. Anyway Rhodes winds up winning.

World Tag Team Title: Sting & Davey Boy Smith vs The Nasty Boys (c, w/Missy Hyatt)

Camera man knows exactly where to focus on the entrance of the champs, staying with Missy and her cans instead of messing around with what Knobbs and Sags are yelling. Short-haired Missy is really doing it for me.

Rick Rude runs in and hits Davey Boy with the Rude Awakening on the runway. So Sting is going after the Nastys by himself and goes to check on Davey Boy. Sure that they've won, Missy Hyatt holds the belts aloft ringside and everyone celebrates. No bell ever sounded, apparently. sting tries to help Davey to the ring, and now the bell has rang. Davey Boy is dead on the apron as Sting is double-teamed. But he fights back because he's The Franchise ha ha ha Fuck Fuck Fuck Dick Flair.

Davey Boy eventually recovers enough to get in there and pull his weight, relatively speaking. Smith press slams Sting onto the Nastys. What's the better Bulldog tag team - Davey Boy & Sting or Davey Boy & Luger? Knobbs pins Smith. Goddamn but Davey Boy Smith just sucks. He never gets anything right. They've been Nasticized.

Uh oh, Craig Leathers has a scoop - Ric Flair is backstage talking with Col. Parker. Parker wants to set up an Austin match against the winner of the main event. Flair pops Parker one.

WCW World Heavyweight Title: Ric Flair (w/Fifi) vs Vader (c, w/Harley Race)

During the commercial break that follows the introductions, Race gets in Flair's grill and winds up briefly in the figure four, which allows Vader to get the early advantage. Vader imposes his special physicality but Flair gets the figure four on the champ, and Race rakes Flair's eyes to break it up. "You'd rather have Harley at ringside seconding you than Fifi." "Well I think that's obvious." "Fifi might look good but she's worthless." Flair keeps it rolling though, and bombs the flying chop from the top rope. Then he lands it a third time. This is awesome. Flair is rocking and rolling. Fucking Flair rules. Fucking Vader rules. Randy Anderson - who also FUCKING RULES - eats a clothesline from Vader when Flair ducks. Fourth flying chop attempt is caught by Vader, who takes Flair to the top rope and lands a headbutt, leading to a big ass superplex.

Ventura questions Vader's strategy in not covering Flair, but this is an instance where Jesse is off: The referee is still out. Vader misses the moonsault because he takes forever getting his big ass ready to execute the maneuver, and then Flair pins Vader, and Anderson wakes up, and FLAIR WINS THE MATCH! But Anderson is already waving it off - disqualification instead. Flair knocks out Harley. Vader was DQ'd. Randy Anderson is a goon. Fuck you Anderson. Here's Parker and Austin, and Flair puts it on Austin too. Vader gets in there. Dustin Rhodes and Shockmaster run in to help Flair out. Rhodes helping Flair. I've seen that before. Watch your back, Dustin.

Mean Gene is in the ring. "I'm back in the ballgame now!" Ric Flair is READY TO GO! Flair says his partner on Saturday Night is Sid Vicious, if Vader and Austin want some.

The Shockmaster.

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