Thursday, December 29, 2011

2011 PWI 500 Project: Sinister Cross (#498)

498. Sinister Cross

Sinister Cross vs Griffen (EPW, Loser Leaves Town)

This is from April 29 in Keyser, West Virginia, at Night of the Elite VII from Elite Pro Wrestling Alliance. The main event that night was Gangrel vs The Patriot!

Oh good, it's another dude with a Verizon-approved haircut and white sneakers in all black clothing and a stupid fucking cane trying to be a manager or some shit. Sinister Cross is masked and has a Punisher tattoo. Tall dude (I think, it's hard to tall). Griffen has a Hannibal mask. People laugh before the match starts. Oh apparently Sneakers Johnny Cash is the referee.

He calls it a no contest for getting knocked down. Then he tries to cut a promo but he can't stop smiling at himself. Then some other guy is out to talk. I assume he's the commissioner or GM or some shit. He threatens to fire the Dr. Douglas Crane dude, who stomps around. Anyway, if he doesn't count a three in this match, he's the one fired. The commish has a sweet bowling shirt.

They're both working a "goddamn we're big and tough" deal. They brawl, kind of, then head out to ringside where they continue the, uh, carnage. Walk-and-fight match, like Bruiser Brody vs Abdullah except, you know, not.

Back in the ring and Cross manages a chokeslam. Another one? Oh sure, why not. But these chokeslams are not enough to -- oh, they are. Well, Dr. Crane doesn't count three anyway. Man I do not care for this match. Griffen gets a chair and whacks Sinister Cross on the back. After that, a torture rack neckbreaker ends it. I think that was the only bump Sinister Cross took.

This sucked.

Related: EPW on Facebook

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