It's the day for that thing!
John Cena comes out first to rap about The Rock. 52 gay jokes later, it becomes quite clear why he's not quite on that level. John Cena goes from SuperCracker, the incredible white whitey, to bit of a drop in voice that leads him into his Doctor of Thuganomics street cred character, making both personalities seem really fake.
CM Punk v. John Morrison
Both hurting from the Elimination Chamber the night before so the match ain't much. Works as a way to make both guys look really tough. Punk wins clean and tells Randy Orton to steer clear of him, but instead Ol' Snakeface himself comes out and makes his attack.
Kofi Kingston attacked Alberto Del Rio and then Alberto just kicked his ass. I guess this was supposed to be yet another Kingston-ADR match but I'm glad it wasn't, and I'm glad it wasn't the usual Alberto segment about how I already know his name and his destiny and all that other boring shit.
Eve & Gail Kim v. The Bella Twins
I don't remember watching this at all.
Then that happened. My favorite part was probably when Michael Cole wondered if that (throat cut motion) could happen to HHH. Or if HHH's (suck it motion) could happen to the Undertaker. Yeah! Will Undertaker have to SUCK HIS DICK?
Sheamus v. Mark Henry
Boy, poor Sheamus has fallen on hard times. The only next step can be his falling to drink as Irishmen often will. Henry wins a pretty good power match.
Michael Cole insulted Jerry Lawler in an in-ring interview, so Lawler refrained from breaking his jaw straight away and instead challenged him to a match. Cole threw water in Lawler's face and ran away, never to return.
WWE World Tag Team Title: Heath Slater & Justin Gabriel (c) v. The Miz & John Cena
This match seals the fact that, alarmingly, I prefer Miz to Cena. After Miz gets a clean pin, Corre exercise their rematch clause immediately, leading to about another 10 minutes of match. Miz gets reeling, and Cena, who hates Miz, is all worried and concerned about losing the tag team title he's just plum tickled to have. I said after the PPV I don't hate Cena. Nah, I'm changing my mind. I do. I hate him. I hate him because his main goal here was to be champs and maybe just maybe buddies with Miz after all this "beef" between them. He'd like to "squash their beef" deep down. He doesn't like confrontation. Doesn't like to not be liked. He's concerned about losing a belt he shouldn't even really want. Begging Miz to make the tag. So Miz makes the tag, and as soon as he can, he puts Cena out and loses those stupid tag belts in order to make his point clear, that he hates John Cena and doesn't want to be his fucking tag team partner. Cena sits in the ring like he doesn't understand it, and never could have seen it coming. What an idiot. How can you root for a guy like this? WHAT DO YOU THINK, GEDDE WATANABE?