Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Scott's TV Party: NWA Mountain State Wrestling Ep. 261


YEAH! More wrestling that streams on the internet! You may start the program here!

Your hosts are "The Voice of Tradition" Jonathan Styles and "The Outlaw Rockstar" "Sweet" Steven Hinsley. The Voice of Tradition seems like he might throw up. "Get in your cars! Get in your ATVs! Get in whatever you have to! And get to Rand, West Virginia!" I'm all in. Larry Light tells us how we can get NWA Mountain State Wrestling in OUR town.

Some dude is with a tag team called Cruz Control. Good Lord. After THAT, they cut right to the same interviewer with Maestro and Chance Prophet. Maestro is your NWA Mountain State heavyweight champion, and Chance Prophet has awful face paint and is your NWA Dog Pound champion, whatever that means.

Now we're at ringside somewhere in West Virginia and this show is fucked up and gritty and nobody here is playing with a full deck. In short, this might be awesome.

Cruz Control v. Chance Prophet & Maestro

I really like Cruz Control's jackets. Maestro is in fact that dude from WCW who hung out with Ryan Shamrock and played the piano. He's now much fatter and wears an Andre the Giant late-period singlet with one strap. I'm into it. That sounded oddly sexual. There are a good 20 people in attendance here and I think all of 'em are hillfolk. If there were 200 of them someone might get in a fistfight with one of the Cruz boys. Shawn Cruz is apparently the taller one who talks. Maestro is closing in on 40 and looks every bit like it. He doesn't move so great, doesn't look so good, and yet he's still got some passion to be out there in front of 20 motherfuckers doing the best he's got left. It ain't much, either, but there's something appealing about the effort. This is awful, to be totally honest and act like a prick for no good reason other than believing in my right to be honest. Maestro and Prophet win. Prophet wants to continue the assault and Maestro isn't really into it. Prophet drags them out of the ring to "take them home as trophies." He's crazy, see.

Local West Virginia commercials, hell yeah.

Ricky Shane has a backwards plaid hat and a bunch of earrings. Matt Barnett has a rebuttal. The interviewer is beyond awkward. "I'm the dark horse, and I really don't stand a chance..." Oh!

King of West Virginia Tournament: Matt Barnett v. Ricky Shane

Ricky Shane reminds me of Bobby Blaze. This is way, way better than the first match, though it's all Ricky Shane and his veteran fat guy savvy and consistent attack. Shane with some good knee work and I'm getting into his offense, which includes a figure four. Fuck yeah. Barnett turns it over but he's the worse for wear and Shane stays on the knee. Barnett's hobbling around and trying to throw punches and showing the eye of the tiger and shit. He sells a knee better than R-Truth, I can give him that much. And this is a lot better than that Mason Ryan-R-Truth abortion on Raw. Shane uses his girth for the pinfall. What a smart guy. Ricky Shane congratulates the youngster and his young friend, but some other dudes run in and throw lame punches all over the place. Ricky Shane helps his young comrades and chases out the dicks. Ricky Shane DROPS THE STRAPS! Ricky Shane rules.

Upcoming Dates!
2/12: Hinton, WV
2/19: Matoaka, WV

Shawn Cruz cuts another one his promos about Hinton, WV seeing the death of all rookies. Now that interviewer is back with the TV champ, the Baltimore Bad Boy "and maybe even Crazy Carl with me." And that's the whole promo. Now there's some shit set to "Sweet Emotion." I don't have any clue what in the hell is going on anymore. Cucumber & Company Inc.!

Now "backstage" is this poor interview guy, who seems like he really has no idea why he's here or what he's doing. Bulldozer is off-center and yelling at Johnny Blast. That is an ill-fitting mask. And what's he reading? Johnny Blast looks like what Stevie Janowski will look like after 12 years of hanging out with Kenny Powers.

King of West Virginia Tournament: Bulldozer v. Johnny Blast

The photo does not allow you to see Johnny Blast's sweet long hair he's got rolling under that bandana. I'm guessing this guy is an institution in West Virginia. And if not, I don't want to know, and I want to pretend that he is. Andy Awesome (The Baltimore Bad Boy) makes his way to ringside. THIS match is better than the Maestro tag opener, too. Bulldozer throws a nice pointed elbow to the top of the head. Bulldozer really is a hoss of a human being, the sort of guy you see bouncing at bars and never have the presence of mind to imagine what he would look like in spandex, because we've been taught for 20 years that guys like him who dare to want to be wrestlers are delusional losers unworthy of our attention or interest, and we should only like Affliction shirted, Chinese symbol tatted, muscle stud dickwads, guys we think are jerkoffs in Abercrombie shirts, but apparently the only ones many of us will accept in the HIGH ART that is professional wrestling. Fuck you, wrestling fans of America. Ricky Shane is more of a professional wrestler than Batista. Little runt ass Andy Awesome gets involved and gets Blast counted out, and Bulldozer pulls the surprise and helps Awesome beat up the grizzled veteran. Andy Awesome makes the late great Brian Hildebrand look RIPPED. Like BATISTA. LOVELY SEXY BATISTA.

The Bunkhouse Boys talk by themselves. Then Andy Awesome and Karl are with the awkward guy. This is really turning up a notch since the Maestro and Chance Prophet got off the screen.

The Bunkhouse Boys v. Andy Awesome & Karl

This is incredible, and the commentary comes with it. Jonathan Styles sounds like a methed out 14 year old calling his friends' backyard matches and the other dude is his friend who's the funny one in the group. "You're the voice of head up your butt." ZAOQP!!!! FUCK I love wrestling. Willie Blackheart, who's the REALLY fat one in the Bunkhouse Boys, is Haystacks Calhoun fat. Karl and Awesome have "the most dominant headbutts" in West Virginia. Let's see what the other Bunkhouse Boy has. He looks like the black sheep of the Anderson family or something, the one who drinks too much beer. Too much beer for Arn Anderson. Bulldozer is ringside with Andy and Karl and helps out while the referee's back is turned, which is a good idea because there's no way Willie is getting over there to stop that from happening. Karl is famous for his five-inch thick skull. The weird thing about all these guys is their strikes are really loose and weak. If anything you'd expect them to be knocking each other around with punches and forearms, but that's really the weak spot in the promotion. Awesome and Karl get DQ'd when Bulldozer interferes, but Ricky Shane runs in to keep it square.

More awkward promos with the world's most mentally absent interviewer. Maestro is the people's champ! Maestro's promos are kind of awesome. Ricky Shane says, "In case you don't got internet, or you just don't have a television, you come out February the 19th in Matoaka, West Virginia." Chance Prophet shouts at Maestro about a match with Adam Pearce. "20 years! 20 years it took me to get this opportunity! Hogan didn't do it! Bret Hart! Shawn Michaels! The best in this business didn't do it! Now's my time! My chance to get the 10 pounds of gold around my waist, Adam Pearce! Scrap Iron, Scrap Daddy, whatever the heck they call you! You got a big mouth! Three time NWA world champion. My friend, you just waken up a sleeping giant. STROZILLA! 'Cause I'm gonna get you, and I'm gonna terrorize you in that ring ALL NIGHT LONG! That belt's MINE! I'm the people's champ!"

I gotta see Adam Pearce-Maestro. Maestro is even making me want to see Chance Prophet take on Phill Shatter, who I read about in PWI. After that, Jonathan Styles and the other guy close it out and threaten my buzz so I stop watching. It's over anyway.

4 comments:

  1. NWA DAWG Pound is one the New Jersey promotions along with NWA Vintage.

    http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=261822507522&topic=16368

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  2. This is the greatest thing I've read in a while.

    Thank you for being honest, sir.

    and don't forget to watch the new episodes at www.mountainstatewrestling.com :)

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  3. Jonfun: Thank you for the info. I could have looked that up myself but like a dumbass, I did not.

    Zacktaro: The further and further I get into a promotion, the more I always like it. I enjoy that I'm not looking at 30 guys who are all built the same. I'm gonna stick with the show.

    Thanks for reading, both of you!

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  4. Thanks for posting this...Great review..very very honest! I film and edit the show, and I was very happy that you took the time to review my show! I will continue to read your reviews! you rock

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