This is almost a week old! Don't blame me. It's the jokers over at NWA Hollywood getting this up later than usual. How dare they? Don't they understand that I need to watch this show ASAP? This is going to make Impact look even worse tonight.
Tommy Wilson hates being in this urinal of a city. I've never been to Hollywood, so I'm not going to immediately assume he's not just telling the truth. Wilson has real wrestler build and I'm a fan of anyone -- ANYONE -- with stars on their trunks, and not only does he has stars, but a T for Tommy. Famous B tries to bring down the bigger man with a couple of sleepers, but it's just not happening. They should add a new rule to the NWA rulebook that commentators are not allowed to use the phrase "shades of (x)," because that's way worse than being thrown over the top rope. This reminds me of the Wrestling Challenge semi-squashes of my youth. Famous B is in the role of Koko B. Ware against Warlord being pushed, except Tommy Wilson isn't much like Warlord, really, and I probably only thought of Koko B. Ware because Famous B is also black. Wait! No it's because of the B. HEY WAIT! Tommy Wilson gets sunset flipped and Famous B gets the duke! Cedric comes in with his briefcase after, but Andrew Hellman and his steel chair save the day.
Andrew's gonna talk -- he's got spirit. He wants a 2-on-2 with these fellas, but these fellas don't want...that.
Oh my God. Yes. YES. They do that old "let's hear from all the competitors of the Royal Rumble" video feature with everyone in tonight's battle royal weighing in. And it rules. I really love the arrogant guy whose name I forgot. He's really, really not very good-looking. After all the chumps talk, Austin Aries. He kind of reminds me of washin' David Von Erich's dog era Jimmy Garvin. I mean that as, like, the highest compliment ever.
Joey Kaos is with David Marquez. Let's see if Kaos says "Kaostrophobic" like I suggested last week. Sadly, he does not. His promo was better than last week's, though.
Kaos is dressed like huss-era Jimmy Jacobs. This is my first experience with both in the ring and I will say...I am pleasantly surprised by both, and Mack is a whole hell of a lot of fun particularly. Kaos is kind of lax on offense. Most things he does look fine, but they look like he's doing them without much serious intent. Not that I'm judging the book by...well, that doesn't really work here. Not that I'm making a full judgment on one match, or part of one match. Fuckin' Willie Mack is great. Big fat 213 by Willie Mack! Remember at the first One Night Stand, when Mysterio hit a 619 on Psicosis, and everyone booed? And then later when the EXTREMISTS (like Rey Mysterio) were beating up Bischoff, Austin asked Rey, "Ya got a 619 left up in ya?" And he did it, and everyone booed again? If ECW was, somehow, a real independent promotion again, running in front of the old fans, and Willie Mack went there and did the 213, I guarantee it would get over. Ref gets bumped, and then Peter Avalon and Austin Aries hit the ring for the DQ. Joey Ryan runs in just a few days before his appearance on Raw, but he is no match for -- hey are they going to start the battle royal from this?
NO! It's COLT CABANA! HEY! I don't hate Colt Cabana in this promotion! He cleans some fuckin' house! If he talks he's going to test my patience -- oh, crap, here we go. Ah...hell, I even like Cabana on the mic here. The battle royal (with Colt!) starts RIGHT NOWWW
Battle Royal for a Shot at the NWA World Heavyweight Title
There are like 6000 guys in that ring. It rules. Pearce is on commentary and shouting like a distraught Roddy Piper. He fears Cabana -- FEARS him! Begs for anyone to get Cabana out of the ring. Pearce is insane. Oh my God this is great. "POKE SOMEBODY IN THE EYE, DAMN IT!!!!" He's so Piper -- and so good at it. He loses his shit when Avalon gets tossed. His begging, his ceaseless, psychotic begging. I really can't say enough about Pearce's deranged performance.
As for me, I'm pulling for Navajo Warrior. "Yes! Yes! Navajo, yes! I will buy you a new tipi!" Willie Mack delivers a killer clothesline to eliminate the tall fellow with the rad 'fro. It comes down to Aries, Kaos, Mack and Colt. Kaos goes first, Aries pulls a slick move on a backdrop out to slide back under the bottom rope. Aries hangs on for dear life during a double-team. Kaos runs back in and throws Mack over the top, then beats on him on the Tom Petty rug. So they head out fighting. Cabana eventually eliminates Aries to get the W. Pearce loses it again, Cabana talks, Pearce makes faces.
Great show this week.