Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The Coliseum Collection: The Best of the WWF Vol. 13

Wanting to watch some wrestling but not wanting to finish up Clash of the Champions XXIII for some reason even though the main event is all that's left so I'll probably do that as soon as I post this, and also wanting to look at the TV instead of my monitor, and also wanting to switch things up, and also wanting to use my WWE Classics on Demand subscription, but with few truly appealing choices, I wound up watching the 1987 Coliseum Video release of The Best of the WWF Vol. 13.

This was a mistake.

Hulk Hogan & Koko B. Ware v. Honky Tonk Man & Kamala

Hogan and Ware have Jake Roberts (w/Damian) with them to combat Kim Chee, Fuji and Jimmy Hart. This has Bruno Sammartino and Craig DeGeorge on commentary so you KNOW it's got the engaging analysis and banter you love to hear. DeGeorge was sort of the proto-Bischoff as commentator. Knew nothing, looked young and sharp for the time, was definitely different from the established voices, and you wanted him off your TV and out of your head as soon as humanly possible. He was sub-Sean Mooney. But so was Bischoff. At least Mooney could do wild west shtick with Heenan. Koko seems like he's almost as over as Hogan early on in this match, so Hogan takes a tag and does the bird flap with his arms. On these non-televised matches Hogan is often sillier and less melodramatic than he usually was on TV, which is a fun change of pace. He also seemed a lot more like he could whip an ass than the character he brought to the masses usually did. Hot tag to Hogan is pretty electric after the heels dominate poor Koko for a while. How can Kamala understand the art of tag team wrestling so well? It leads me to believe he's not a savage at all, but merely playing tricks. Hogan pins Kamala as Honky has just won the IC belt and Kamala was going nowhere.

WWF Intercontinental Title: Ricky Steamboat (c) v. Honky Tonk Man

This is the title change. Great place to put it, you know, after the other match where he's already champion. It's the usual HTM silliness but with Steamboat, though the finish where Honky gets the fluke, cheating win is really well-done and the Vince/Jesse commentary is quite good at making it seem like not just an upset, but something that definitely should not have happened, period.

The Fabulous Moolah v. Debbie Combs

I fell asleep a little during this but what I remember sucked.

The Fabulos Moolah v. Joyce Grable

Oh thank God I woke up for a second Moolah match. Grable was a better wrestler than Combs, I think, but not as hot. Relatively speaking.

Bobby Heenan gets chocolate all over his face and smashes some punkins. Roddy Piper has a retarded vignette for Halloween. The older I get, the less I consider Piper anything special at all past his handful of really famous bits. Mostly he was just a gooftard.

Demolition v. The Islanders

Islanders are babyfaces and Haku is clean-shaven. Demolition don't yet have a manager and the face paint they wear here wasn't what they would settle into, and I never really understood why Ax put so much fucking glitter in his Brylcreem-slicked hair. I also don't really see the connection to the Road Warriors except they painted their faces. I mean that's really it. They sell plenty. They win, though, and Tama is the star of the match. Monsoon and Heenan sound so bored calling this match that you'd think they just don't really give a shit.

The Islanders v. The Young Stallions

Now the Islanders are heels. This is joined in progress and I thus feel no need to watch it. If all of it isn't fit for my consumption, none of it is. Islanders win.

Bret Hart v. Raymond Rougeau

I guess this serves as Match of the Coliseum Video and it's almost all Bret, who prior to the Hart Foundation face turn actually was at his best as a character, all spitting on Raymond, stooging plenty, and being ruthless and efficient when in control. Hart got the rare "admiration from a commentator" treatment from Gorilla Monsoon, the type that comes from a commentator and seems very real because it doesn't matter which side of the heel/face fence they're on. Ventura had it with Randy Savage, Heenan had it in WCW with Dean Malenko to an extent, and Monsoon LOVED Bret Hart. Raymond is somewhat above average, Bret's really good, match is good, Bret wins with his feet on the ropes.

WWF Intercontinental Title: Randy Savage (c) v. Tito Santana

No commentary for this one, and just as well. And another great sequencing decision by those FOOLS at TITAN, putting the guy who was two IC champions ago into what serves as the tape's default main event. I have almost no use for the incredibly nice and highly respectable Tito Santana, so this is Savage or bust, and since it's not televised and there's no great reason to care, Savage isn't doing a lot either. About eight minutes or so of enough action to make people think "hey I saw an IC title match at that Wrestling Challenge taping" and then Savage wins by countout.

Gold Medal: Bret Hart, Canada
Silver Medal: Koko B. Ware, United States
Bronze Medal: Tama, Isle of Samoa or Tonga or wherever they were billed from

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