Saturday, January 29, 2011

Scott's TV Party: Three Episodes of AWF Saturday Night Slam from Minnesota

In order to break the monotony of watching all that WCW ("monotony" might not be the right word, but I'm running with it!) I'm going to use my internet browsing to my advantage and watch three episodes of the American Wrestling Federation from Minnesota's weekly broadcast on KSTC-45 Minneapolis-St. Paul, because CRZ linked this stuff on The W, which I liked better when ... well, no, I never really liked The W any better than I do now, but for non-retarded places to occasionally talk about wrestling, it's pretty good.

AWF Saturday Night Slam - Ep. 32 - 2011/01/08

This program comes to you from the RAUCOUS elementary school in Finlayson, Minnesota. DJ Draper, a hefty shiny-bald fellow, is with a hair metal dude name of Johnny Parks. He'll take on Diablo John Johnson later, apparently -- this guy is creepy looking as fuck. Here's decided to do that old-timey wrestling staple: KILTS = DRESSES, AMIRIGHT? Immediately, the kilted fellow walks over and wallops him with a chair. Shows like these really make me wish that Ian Rotten had been a bit more (something) and had gotten a TV show like this on like WCIU or some such back when IWA MS was peaking during the Highland run.

"6% Bodyfat" Rob James v. Ryan Cruz

Rob James: 6% Body Fat, 94% Better Than Everyone Else. Minnesota accents are fun. For an indy ring, that one's pretty nice. Apparently these two have plenty of history in the upper midwest, so I'm looking forward to seeing how this one plays out. I probably shouldn't be getting my hopes up. Commentators call each other fat. Apparently they're clumsily going to break, where I'll learn of upcoming dates. Cruz throws an armdrag, a bad hiptoss, and then a headscissors that sends 6% to the floor. He's a bodybuilding competitor, a fitness guru. This is great because it's pure wrestling nonsense -- that kid's in real good shape and all, but we're not talking Petey Williams here. Both of these guys are better than 1992 Erik Watts, I think. Arn Anderson could make them look as good as Watts did, anyway. James works some terrible chinlocks. I love these commentators. Seriously, these guys are worth watching alone. I know this can't be bad just because the kids standing on the top row of the bleachers are into it. I mean it's no artistic masterpiece, but when you can get the kids going, you're not failing, whatever your ceiling is. AHH! These commercial breaks are SUDDEN! Natural Born Thrillers offense from Rob James for a near-fall that I really thought was going to be three, and I'm not sure if it's good or bad that I was wrong. That's an interesting finish Cruz has, also Natural Born Thriller-y. So Cruz wins.

Flashback to September 18, 2010, and something dramatic has happened to Tony DeNucci. WHO DID IT? Man, this dude has been around forever. DeNucci isn't clear on the differences between the words "whether" and "rather" but he probably gives no more a rat's patooie about that than where he exacts revenge for that crowbar attack last year, where he was bloodied and his can of Monster energy drink spilled onto the ground.

AWF Saturday Night Slam - Ep. 33 - 2011/01/15

Last week, kilt guy hit the creepy guy with a chair. Slowed down voice shouting THIIIS IIIS IIINSAAANIITTTYYY is great. Johnny Parks would not accept medical advice. Dude this guy is SO fucking creepy. OH GOD I just realized why he's creeping me out so hard. He looks like a Barbie doll version of Kanyon.

What is this guy? Aussie? Kiwi?

Arya Daivari v. Mikey Moore

Apparently Arya Daivari, brother of the beloved Shawn Daivari, has an ego problem. Mikey Moore thankfully does not actually wrestle in a fucking football jersey so I'm not expecting any juggaloness, not that I'm doubting he could be a juggalo, as I think he has a dragon on his board shorts. The board shorts are bad enough. Mikey Moore has apparently come from literally the depths of hell to win matches before. The way they're talking about Moore I'm guessing he's some sort of a Mikey Whipwreck for the AWF, who also liked dragons. These commentators are still cooking with gas and I think this match is better than the Cruz-James match from the previous episode. Daivari does sweet chin music complete with foot stomp, but Moore ducks. Dudes oughtn't do the stomp like Shawn Michaels. Even for the kids. HEY! I just realized that's Mick Karch. He finally gets the superkick. "OH NO! ARE YOU KIDDIN' ME?" Why does Mick object? It's a legal maneuver!

Backstage Diablo Johnson says, "I'm one-half of the AWF world tag team champions!"

What I want to know most is WHOSE WCW World Television Championship replica belt that is? Did Tony DeNucci buy it from Highspots to impress chicks?

"Livewire" Johnny Parks v. "Diablo" John Johnson

Aussie, apparently, judging by his graphic t-shirt. Karch can't quite remember the phrase "low center of gravity." He is an enthusiastic enough man for it to not much matter. Referee Rob Page is being awfully lax by standing around and waiting to direct traffic while Johnson takes a day and a half to lodge a chair in the corner. Parks is really short. Really short. And I wouldn't exactly call his offense explosive. The top row bleacher kids have either left by now or they aren't quite as into this as they were Cruz-James. Maybe his demonic plastic Kanyon who's really into Firehouse look chased them and their upstanding parents out of the building. This ain't too bad, though -- y'know, for what it is. Johnson winds up throwing the referee out to the floor, the poor little feller. Johnson takes a chair from the elementary school principal, who is here as a guest enforcer, and this went from being acceptably entertaining family-style indy wrestling to great. The principal gets involved verbally, leading Johnson into getting drop toe-held (holded) into a chair and slammed down for a win, which of course the principal counts. This guy is the smartest principal ever. He should threaten to have Johnny Parks sit really close to misbehaving children.

AWF Saturday Night Slam - Ep. 34 - 2011/01/22

We open this week on Arya Daivari in the locker room. What did he tell us? What he's telling us again. Su. Per. Kick. This time we're in Monticello, MN. They have some nice-sized crowds for these shows, really.

Arya Daivari v. Ryan Cruz

The winner of this meets Johnny Parks in the finals of the AWF championship tournament. Parks beat THE Lenny Lane in the semifinals. Every match, Mick Karch and DJ Diablo have an argument about whether or not one or the other has praised one of the wrestlers. I just said he was good! But you, YA FUCK, ya FAT FUCK! Mick Karch is GREAT! He's 1000% better than Michael Cole. He kind of reminds me of Col. Bob Sheridan. Ryan Cruz cannot keep up with Daivari, just not in the same class. This is better than Cruz-James but it's all because of Daivari. At this point, I am wondering if I AM, in fact, kiddin' Mick Karch. Daivari wins with the superkick. FORGET IT!

"6% Bodyfat" Rob James v. Ben Sailer

Sailer wins! He's the babyface! Something with a teacher. I don't know. Admittedly, three straight episodes leads to burnout, but overall this was fun! Arya Daivari might actually have a future!

1 comment:

  1. You're a better man than I am. All I can do is watch these on TV. I can't even watch them on YouTube. I REALLY can't talk about anything that happens in them (except to chuckle when Karch talks about the rounds system as if it happened hundreds of years ago - he really has been around forever, hasn't he?) but between you and DEAN~! I may end up roped into actual discussion. We'll see when they put tomorrow's episode online.