So I got this WWE Classics On Demand thing on my cable, because I figure I already pay out my ass for cable so that we have HD and HBO and Showtime and Starz and Cinemax and all this other crap, and really outside of boxing, I don't even watch TV. So I figured adding another $7.99 to my ridiculous monthly Comcast bill wasn't so bad if it meant I actually used the cable a couple times a week once my wife had gone to bed. And since I'm just fucking insane for World Class right now, I figured I'd start here at 2:46am CDT.
The show starts with a match from August 12, 1983.
Kerry Von Erich v. Buddy Roberts
Roberts has the headgear on holding on a wig, and the thing might be loaded, or maybe it's not, and eventually he hits Kerry with a headbutt from the top rope that shakes him up something fierce. The headgear also prevents Kerry from applying the claw so that's a big deal, but Kerry winds up winning a good, hot match with a roll-up anyway. Michael Hayes hits the ring to whip Kerry right in the face with a belt, which angers Kerry something awful after the match. He's ready to keep the fight going, even with no help, but the Freebirds bail.
Gorgeous Jimmy Garvin Gets Sunshine a Valet
This is the famous angle they did where Sunshine, Garvin's valet (and cousin), was given her own valet, Precious (Garvin's actual wife). It's a poolside promo with the three of them and Bill Mercer, and it is awesome. Garvin was one of the biggest cocksuckers you'll ever find at this point in his career, and he was unique in his demeanor. He was mostly laid-back, kind of talked like Rob Van Dam talks, but he'd be in the middle of being cocky, and then turn completely serious for a second, which is hilarious, on something like, "It's a lot of work!" Then he'd go back to that shit-eating grin of his.
Kimala v. Art Cruz
Kimala returns! And Art Cruz gets squished, the poor fella. Mercer laments the mismatch as soon as it's over, saying with some regret that he'd sure like to see Kimala in with David Von Erich or someone like that. He also makes reference to Kimala's paganism, again with some regret and grief.
Michael Hayes & Buddy Roberts v. Chris Adams & Johnny Mantell
During the match they keep assuring me that "the girl wrestlers" are coming and fuck that! Also the Junkyard Dog. OK. This is good stuff. Roberts is letting his bald head shine in the Sportatorium lights, and the Birds pretty well dominate for a while on Chris Adams, and cut off Johnny Mantell's hot tag before it can really get going. It's a cool atmosphere -- without the Von Erichs across the ring, the Freebirds are still the heels (particularly Baldy Roberts), but the hatred of them isn't quite as passionate for Adams and Mantell. Hayes is Hayes, and he's cool. They collide, and Roberts gets the tag, dropping the elbow on Mantell JUST as he tags Chris Adams, who gets it going, and all of a sudden Mantell is in much better shape, or at least he is for a second before he's dumped out to the floor. But Chris Adams doesn't give a shit, he keeps truckin'. And now it's broken down into some amount of mayhem. Hayes and Mantell fight, and Adams counters Roberts' bulldog by just flinging him, then hits the big superkick for the finish as Hayes is held down by Mantell. Hayes is in disbelief at losing to these jerks, but Roberts claims his trunks were held, and P.S. buys it.
David Von Erich v. Jimmy Garvin
Before the match can start, Chris Adams is back out in a tank top to call out Jimmy Garvin, who recently called Adams a coward. Garvin laughs it off, and tells the camera that Adams is a joke. Adams demands Garvin show him what kind of man he is -- so Garvin struts. Fuck yeah. Jimmy Garvin is your daddy.
Adams leaves, bell rings, Von Erich charges, and Garvin runs for his life. Von Erich takes the early advantage as Bill Mercer tells us that next week, NWA world's champion Harley Race will be in town to defend against Iceman King Parsons. Spoiler: Iceman King Parsons does not win the belt.
Garvin hits the mat and dives into the corner when David is ready to slap on the claw, so David stomps him, snapmares him, and then misses a knee drop.
Garvin grabs a chinlock, and then Kimala's in the ring. Garvin bails, but Kimala's sights are set on David Von Erich anyway. But David claws the pagan son of a bitch with his strong Christian beliefs, and the camera runs past some girl who has some pretty nice tits tucked into a baby blue t-shirt. Kimala has to get out of there while Bronko Lubich declares Von Erich the DQ winner.
Bill Mercer closes it out hoping to see David and Kimala go one-on-one, and hypes next week's Race-Parsons NWA title match. HOT DAMN I LOVE WORLD CLASS