Friday, July 23, 2010

Brent Watches WWE Superstars

In the event that Scott has not quite made it clear enough, neither of us watch the modern product. I'm out of touch enough that not only do I not know what is going on in the storylines, when I look at results I don't know who the hell most of the workers are. But a wrestling program should be able to suck a viewer in. And at all points in my life where I fell into that period's current product it was a random stop on a show that sucked me in. It was a stop on Nitro during a Super Calo/La Parka match that got me into the late '96/early '97 period. I'd been occasionally turning on Nitro or Raw and seeing what was up but that strange match got me to stop on the channel that night and the rest of the show was interesting enough to keep me coming back on a completely regular basis.

Could the same thing happen with Superstars? Probably not, but since I shit on the modern business so much I should probably give it a fair shot so that I'm not the guy who hates something just because it isn't the way it used to be. But seriously...they banned fucking chops?

MVP & Chris Masters vs. The Dudebusters (Caylen Croft & Trent Barreta)
Oh, I guess MVP and Masters are faces now. I have no clue who The Dudebusters are but that name is just godawful. We're told that they're bonding as a team by playing golf, watching The Last Airbender and buying NCAA Football 2011. That'd be funny if it wasn't presented seriously. It appears that Masters is now "respected" in the locker room and is still dong the Masterlock Challenge. Wait, Masters did some chops, I thought those were banned?

This is sloppy and Masters doesn't appear to know how to take a dragon screw. There does appear to be some emphasis on more "old school" tag action but guys still don't know how to sell for shit. Masters would sell the leg that got worked over every now and then, forget about it, then sell it, then forget about it when he wanted to do some offense, then forget about it. Also, I really hate that everyone has a fancy elbow or leg drop now.

Aaand it's over. The Dudebusters don't look convincing doing anything, Masters sucks and MVP is pretty okay still. Moving on...

JTG vs. Chavo Guerrero
Um, JTG did something where I think he was supposed to be blowing on air dice and rolling them but it looked like he was sucking an air dick. ...that was unfortunate.

I already don't like JTG because he's hitting fancy, big looking moves within 30 seconds of the opening bell. Jesus, this is annoying. You don't need to flip when you throw shoulder blocks. It ended quickly. I guess that was "highly competitive and hotly contested" even though it was only a couple minutes long and all the talk they did about JTG watching his loss to Chavo last week and finding a flaw really was for nothing. I assumed maybe they were building to something, but it seems they were just building to "Chavo is better than JTG" which is...pretty fucking true.

Yoshi Tatsu vs. Primo
Okay, here's Tatsu and he's all happy and nice. And here's Primo and he seems cocky and like a dick. And we're told Primo has a "new attitude." Gotcha. Hey, Tatsu is chopping now. I'm thinking the talk I heard of chops being banned is all BS.

In looking around for info on Tatsu I'm seeing a bunch of stories about him beating the shit out of Sheamus a few years back. Which is just super.

This wasn't terrible, but it wasn't good. Primo won and it's just kind of...whatever.

The Hart Dynasty vs. The Usos
One of the few teams I've managed to catch lately was The Usos and god knows I love Samoans. Tyson Kidd looks like a fucking idiot.

Something has been bothering me all show long and I think I'm realizing right now that it's the complete lack of passion. It's all so very flat and by the numbers. Even the commentary is just so vanilla. Even Jerry Lawler is just. very. reserved. and. quiet. Big move by the Usos is met with a "Man, I hope he's okay."

The Usos are trying, they've got a little emotion but Kidd and David Hart Smith are just bland. Their offense is very move, move, move while The Usos really emphasize their movement.

Fancy version of the Hart Attack for the finish with a drop kick to the other Uso at the same time. It's a creative idea, but one where they spent way too long setting up and it ruined the flow of the ending.

This show sucked. The only guys on the entire program I'd go out of my way to watch again were The Usos and even that is hard to say for certain since they'd have to be paired right for them to shine like I think they could.

This was stupid, why did I waste my time?

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