Sunday, July 12, 2009

Big Van Vader Time to Van Hammer Time

1. Big Van Vader vs. Nikita Koloff

Yeah, the video starts with Bill Watts rambling on and on. Watts was the perfect wrestling mind in the Mid-South days (arguably my favorite wrestling promotion/period ever) but he was an absolute turd in WCW. This rambling talk is a big reason why. You can't just turn on a Bill Watts WCW show and pick up on what is going on, it's all a big fucking mess.

But this isn't about Watts it's about Vader vs. Koloff. So it is a good 5 minutes of rambling talk about what is going on, then the managers are barred from we're going. There's a whole lot of punching going on and a little bit of JR claiming that the Rams won a super bowl (they had not).

Oh hey! "Hat Guy" from ECW is ringside being all "Hat Guy-y" and yelling at Vader. There really wasn't much of a build to the finish, it just kind of...happens. So Vader wins and defends Rick Rude's US Title. Confusing storyline with a confusing match that doesn't build to anything and ends in less time than they spent hyping it up? Yeah, this is Bill Watts' WCW.

2. Scott Steiner vs. The Wall

That's The Wall up there brother!

I completely forgot that face Steiner went back to the "Steinerized" music. I figure the meeting backstage went "We're giving you the old music you and Rick used to use" "Why?" "Because you still look like a fucking asshole, so we've got to do something mildly charming with you."

Steiner gouges The Wall's eyes then makes him chokeslam the ref (because he was blind you see) and wins by DQ. I think it's pretty damn clear that they had no clue what the hell to do with Steiner by this point. It's not a shades of gray situation, it's a guy who is playing a face acting like a heel.

Yeah, you were paying for a PPV and getting Steiner/Wall tournament matches that went 5 minutes at this point while earlier in the night already having had to sit through Jimmy Hart vs. Mancow. Although I do remember being quite the fan of Terry Funk vs. Norman Smiley. God dammit...Now I'm going to try to track down Spring Stampede 2000 and watch it all.

3. Rick Steiner vs. Van Hammer

This was '99, before the Spring Stampede show we just watched a match from.

"Me and Big Poppa Pump and the DFG do whatever we want" I like that Rick included himself twice there. As amazing as it is considering Scott posted a video where Rick all but beat up his date at the zoo...the Dog Faced Gremlin is just not right as a heel. He's the big dumb animal you know and love. Not the asshole dog that you try to Michael Vick in the woods behind your house. Jesus they let him say way too many fucking words before Van Hammer comes out.

I remembered Van Hammer sucking but Jesus, what awful timing and just shit ass offense. Rick tries to do what he can by just being a prick and looking stiff but it's just a really awful match. At least it was quick.

Yes, today it was 3 WCW PPV matches and all of them ran right around 5 minutes. Obviously you're getting your money's worth if a company is regularly giving you 5 minute matches on pay per view.

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